The ancients tracked the planet-dance with math
and covered tablets thick with scrawls—this clay
preserved through ages demonstrates a path
of human knowledge rising to the day
when heaven is brought close, in stars’ array
of light and shadow, pattern: beauty known
and not for what it gives (a way to pray,
an edge in war or increase in what’s grown).
We judge the past from here, the crowning stone—
enlightenment! But wait. We must relearn
as infants (age to age, and each alone)
compassion, mercy, patience and concern;
for we can match the ancients in their greed,
in fear and violence, desire and need.
Inspired by this article, my ideas were less fuzzy and pretentious before I tried putting them into a Spenserian sonnet for the Yeah Write poetry slam.
Wow! This is amazing and beautiful. I love that you worked history, science, and the need to learn from the past–all into this lovely Spenserian sonnet.
LikeLiked by 2 people
You are very kind. I have such an irrational fear of end rhyme, and get self-conscious working with these forms. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLike
I agree! This is well-blended, with that profound message at the end. Love it.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you. I hope the message wasn’t too heavy-handed. Sonnets make me feel that. 😛
LikeLike
“Planet-dance” is a great example of how well you manipulate your hyphens. And “violence” broke the rhythm in just the right place. How did you get this out of you so fast?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hair-pulling, pen-chewing… 😉
LikeLiked by 2 people
“we must re-learn as infants” What a profound line! I cannot write poetry to save my life but I can appreciate a good poet! I loved the sound of this and the message it contains.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much!
LikeLike
“We judge the past from here…” Such truth, yet so telling of far we’ve yet to go.
Love the rhythm, it pulled me in.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you.
LikeLike
I could not resist reading this aloud. I love the cadence and the rhyme. It sounds better on my ear than in my head!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Maybe it would sound better to me if I heard you read it, too! 🙂
That could be a new feature of my blog, guest reader-recordings…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think it’s a wonderful poem. I think that I tend to pay more attention to punctuation and cadence when I read aloud.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I loved it from the first line, “The ancients tracked the planet-dance with math.” You made math sound beautiful. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. Math IS beautiful!
LikeLike
This is gorgeous. Thank you for sharing. I’ll be reading more of your work!
LikeLiked by 1 person
A comment to make my day! Thank you.
LikeLike
I second what Nate said; you are the Queen of Hyphens! There is so much that is beautiful about this – of course I love the mix of history and stars — that first line! — and your message in the second stanza really provides that “so what” which goes beyond the beauty and curiosity about humanity’s past.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for your encouragement. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
So there is a reason I am allergic to writing in meter! But you do such a nice job here. The meter does have its say, for sure! I would like to see the version without Spenser to see how you were working with it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think it’s a lot darker without the structure. And unbeautiful. At least today.
LikeLiked by 1 person