And daytime is the loss of this
yet should old lovers, constant
lovers have cause to regret
the dawn, the low insistent glow
of a phone alarm? No, although
with the rising from your arms
I must now wear these petty cares
as clothes to cover what in the dark
belonged to you. Have a nice day
we say in the light, all the night
put away in its proper place.
We dissociate from our bodies
fill them with coffee, take for granted
that the shielded heart still beats
that again tonight we might, with the gift
of knowing what the day has cost—
debts held, paid, forgiven—sweep all aside
in returning tide of love, loose-limbed sleep
First line from W. H. Auden’s “This Lunar Beauty” (actually two lines in his poem: And daytime is/the loss of this;). Prompt from Quickly; also an aubade for Yeah Write’s January poetry slam.
Just a gloriously beautiful poem Jennifer. Moving and lovely, the point of view so clear and focused. Really, really beautiful.
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Thank you. Your kind words just made my day. 🙂
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Your last line is as stellar as his first
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High praise, Angie. Thank you.
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I have always had difficulty reading this style of poem, but your word choices make me me to read it through three and four and five times until I can finally see your images. 🙂
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Thank you for taking the time to work through it! And for letting me know what you thought. 🙂
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This is lovely, Jennifer! Winner from the first line… Beautiful.
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You are so sweet. Thank you. xo
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loose-limbed sleep—how languorous is that?
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I love the mix of modern images and dreamy, wistful thoughts. Audenesque throughout! I never want to leave the warm arms of bed myself!
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I’m glad you liked that mix–I wasn’t too sure about it, myself. Just got this collection of Auden poems as a Christmas present!
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“all the night/put away in its proper place.” is my favorite moment. And the inner rhymes throughout (day/say, light/night) work well to create a dream-like quality.
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We do that, right? Have to. That line was one of my later revisions. Thanks for your feedback.
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“yet should old lovers, constant
lovers have cause to regret
the dawn, the low insistent glow
of a phone alarm?”
I especially liked that part. I know that glow. 🙂
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Some days more insistently annoying than others…
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“with the gift of knowing what the day has cost”…Oh my goodness. I’d be lying if I said I might forget those words. Fantastic.
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Thanks very much. I’m glad someone liked those lines. 🙂
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Nicely done. I love the tension you build between night and day, intimacy and practicalities.
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Oh, and it is incredibly beautiful —
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Thank you, and for slogging through all my spewings today. ❤
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I feel bad when I can’t get to them sooner. Sorry about that. But your ‘spewings’ are evolving beautifully. I really think your work is growing a lot. I have always thought you were gifted, but lately, you are knocking
my socks off more and more. Never a slog at all!
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Oh, my goodness. I can’t tell you what that means to me. Especially now. ❤
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