Dark—though all the world sleeps, long
I strain to hear blackbird song
Your wings winter-folded, soft-
swept snow, river-fog blurred song
Locked into memory, green-
forest days spinning word-song
By berry bramble, your wings
covered all desire, spurred song
Unsung, for better or worse
by this cold hearth, unstirred song
Now dawn-white shadow gathers
plaintive dream-note—unheard song
My first attempt at the ghazal form.
This is so good, Jennifer! Beautiful, especially
Your wings winter-folded, soft-
swept snow, river-fog blurred song
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Thank you! It was a bit hard to get rolling. And then I had to re-check all those rules. 🙂
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Oh man. I wrote a ghazal too but you pulled it off more beautifully. I struggled but it felt good to actually do it!
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Aw, thanks. It was hard! In a good way. 🙂
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Are you dawn-white? Because the kenning part is hard!
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Ha, it’s a bit of a stretch, but one of the meanings of Guinevere (Jennifer) can be “white shadow.”
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I feel so smug about getting that one.
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I knew you would. Get it, I mean. I was going to do a whole Arthurian thing…maybe next time.
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Love it! You know—me and blackbirds 🙂 Must investigate ghazal form, the repetition is very attractive.
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Yes! I’m heading over to read yours. I found it a bit hard, but form usually gets me like that. 🙂
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Reblogged this on Jane Dougherty Writes and commented:
Couldn’t resist this poem. Not the sea, but blackbirds. Lovely!
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Here’s another “first attempt”.
https://bennaga.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/dues-for-the-muse/
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Thanks for sharing that! I love your theme, and humor, and wonderful rhymes.
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Thank you. Glad you enjoyed reading it. 🙂
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Well written…
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Thanks, Joe!
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This has such a lovely, almost plaintive, feel. Very nice.
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Thank you. ❤
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I read this incredibly amazing poem before I leave the house to run to the store. I say I will respond on said breathtaking poem when I return. When I do return there is a beautiful comment on my blog from writing of said piece.
I really enjoyed this. Kudos for making this style work for you.
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Aw, thanks so much. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
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The rhythm of this poem felt like a floor gymnastics routine: the warm-up, the steps across the mat, the flip and the landing on the word “song” each couplet. I love “green-/forest days spinning word-song” and “winter-folded.” I feel like you should teach a class on creative hyphenation.
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Haha, short class: hyphenate everything! (I know I go overboard sometimes.) 🙂
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I tried and I tried but I simply could not write. Love how yours rhymed.
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I’m not gonna lie, it was hard. Thanks for your encouragement!
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